She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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