perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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