Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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