Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
