What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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