she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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