dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
