Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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