Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
