Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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