youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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