My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His nipple licking is glorious
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