My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
