I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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