Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
