I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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