so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
God I need to hump something, right now.
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