clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
