Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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