I hope mine doesn't look like that
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
