I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
