It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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