No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
