I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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