Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
