Duck Duck Cougar?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
worst night to have a conscience
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
