You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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