we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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