Nicole vs. Life
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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