last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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