Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My vagina is officially offended.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
