Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
