We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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