man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
