You just made me feel so damn special
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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