people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
