Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
