just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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