my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
