just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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