the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
