Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
