i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
