How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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