I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
so much tequila, so little girl.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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