what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
