Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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