well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
