how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
