How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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