I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
