So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
