is your mom at the bar?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
