Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize