just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
