no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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