her vagine was all disorganized.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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