True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
