Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
