margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
