i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
