I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
