I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
