Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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