fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
