On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
