Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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