Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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