He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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