Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
