I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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