I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
