First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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