Whod you bang
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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