She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
