I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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